"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
