Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He felt like a one man threesome
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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