HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
