Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
