you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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