Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
