It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
