yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
