Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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