Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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