You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
