Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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