I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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