She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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