69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
