So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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