I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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