can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
