I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
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I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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