OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
