whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
