and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
