He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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