Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
