I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
