that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
