i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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