This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
