Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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