Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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