Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
