I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
