I've blown a few things in my day
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
