Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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