I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
