...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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