haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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