it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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