quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
