if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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