did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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