she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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