apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
