If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
