remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
