Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
