I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
