6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
