It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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