i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
