please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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