he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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