Whod you bang
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
