My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Small penises have feelings too.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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