She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
