I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
