There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
