Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
