My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize