How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
