worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
