dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
