thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
