is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
