he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
