Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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