found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
