awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
