did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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