...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
