my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You dont lie about slip and slides
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
