for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
