Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
