did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People in love make me want to vomit
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize