It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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