went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
