I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
