u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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