If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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