i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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