I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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