I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
